Do YOU like YOU? Developing a Better Relationship with Yourself
Quinta Brunson, the creator of the hilarious sitcom Abbott Elementary had an interview with Oprah recently. Oprah asked her “What question should every woman ask herself…?” And Quinta’s response is that women and I would add all human beings should ask themselves this: “Do I like myself, do I really like myself when I’m in my room by myself when I’m with myself. Do I like who I am?” Pause before you answer because it’s just you asking you this question and you don’t need to share your answer. Your answer is actually showing itself in every decision that you make. For me, the answer was no for most of my life but you would never know it because I looked happy, stylish and successful.
I’ve been working as a Guest Teacher also known as a Substitute Teacher in a school district here in Arizona for Kindergarten up to 12th grade for about a year and it has made me step up my game to be a bit more “hip.” So I’m using one of the terms that I’ve come to hear so often in the classroom from kids who should be working but may actually be on their phones.
In this article, I’m asking the question do you like yourself and I’m telling you about my journey. I’m in Starbucks writing this while wearing Ugg boots and a Christmas beanie and its after Xmas and over 55 degrees today in Phoenix. It is not beanie weather and it is not Christmas. That won’t stop me.
The slang we’ll focus on is the phrase is “NO CAP.”
No Cap is a phrase that the kids use when they mean “No, joke or no lie.” When they say “No Cap” it means they’re telling you the truth and you can trust what they’re saying. For the purposes of this piece I will say, I spent most of my life disliking myself. No Cap.
For most of my life, I did not like how I looked. I thought I was too big. I thought I was undesirable. I thought I was unworthy of good things happening. Again,No Cap. When editing this article I had to pause a few times and I had tears in my eyes from the memories. In 5th grade, I was nominated to be president of the class. That terrified me because I didn’t think I was smart enough to carry the class on my shoulders and deliver promises of more recess time or better school lunches to them. As a result, I stayed home the day of the election to make sure I lost. No Cap.
Are you understanding the slang yet? Tell the truth. No cap.
I have journals from back when I was 12 years old where I’m talking about weight loss plans and how I needed to lose 10 lbs. I also talk about my love for McDonald’s cheeseburgers and how I looked forward to eating them every Friday after school. My journal is full of lessons from a pre teen, I’ll share more nuggets in the future.
Anyway, this feeling of having a life that I didn’t like carried on through my 20s and 30s even though I was stylish, funny, smart and all the things. None of those things were enough for me to like me. (Insert our new slang phrase here.)
I did not like myself so the idea of others liking me or the idea of life going well for me was a foreign language that I couldn’t use Duolingo to learn how to understand the words. For your information, Duolingo is an app for learning languages, I’m on a 177 day streak for learning Spanish. Anyway, back to this idea of others liking me. I chose to like men who liked themselves more than me. I bended over backwards to make my partners or desired partners happy when I was miserable. I was exhausted from trying to make them like us, but really I was trying to make sure they liked me.
That concludes today’s lesson on slang. Let’s get back to the original question. Do you like you? Do you accept your flaws? Do you forgive yourself for past mistakes and nonsense? We all have some nonsense that we need to forgive ourselves for. In my next article, I will share practical ways that I’ve learned to like myself while still growing in areas where I want something different.
Check out my Team Meeting Podcast for more tips on ways to Develop a Better Relationship with Yourself. My podcast gives you tips on how I train my courage muscles to improve areas of my life. I’m sharing my training plan in my podcast and in these articles. My hope is that you can develop a better relationship with yourself and see how it improves all the areas of your life.
More later, and Happy New Year
