I will not be selling toxic positivity to you. I am as optimistic as they come but I’m not afraid to admit when I’m having a terrible day that feels like a terrible life. For example, I waited a long time (over 298 years) to find a partner and get married. However, I continue to check single on my tax returns. On a happy note, I ended up adopting my daughter as a single mom at the pre grandma age. No shade to grandmas, I know a lot of fly, hip and gorgeous ones. It’s just that my plan was to marry a man with big shoulders, have 3 kids and live a good life. Things did not happen in that order, but I have a gorgeous child and everything that caused my pain and sadness before she came into my life was worth it. I say that now, but it took a long time to get to a place mentally where I stopped feeling terrible about my life. I want to shorten the time you spend in misery by sharing what I did and what I still do to navigate through the terrible seasons in life, because we all have them.
Now I can say all the pain from not having a family according to my timeline was worth it, but it was a devastating and lonely journey. My pain bullied me into thinking I would never get what I wanted. I even had a few friends who told me I was being too picky and that’s why I felt terrible. I know my friends wanted me to have my dream and they were giving me what they thought was sound advice. My path in life is just different from theirs and your path is different from mine.
My baby who’s 3 now. #babydoll #cheeks!
I wish I had a formula you could follow to avoid terrible seasons, but that’s a boring and uneventful way to live. Do this and you will have what you want, meditate for 3 hours a day and the terrible will go away. Nope, it does not magically disappear. However, I have some suggestions. These are things that worked for me and helped me feel hopeful. My hope is that the tips I share will help you break out of any mental prisons you’re stuck in. I believe you can experience peace even when you’re still working and hoping your dreams come true. Embracing peace requires work. You will need to do the work by getting into therapy, reading books, or finding a support group, etc. There is hope and help available for you. The fact that you’re reading these words is a good sign.
So here are 3 things to help you navigate through your seasons in life that feel terrible.
Embrace gratitude. I know. I know. No one likes to hear that, it’s like hearing a personal trainer say “eat clean.” But here is the thing. You’re amazing even if you don’t realize it. There are good things in your life that you can look at and be grateful for even if you don’t see them. Being grateful, fuels feelings of hope and there is a superpower there. In my darkest seasons in life, I poured so much love into my now 12 year old nephew as if he were my child. I gave him life experiences of travel and took him places that I would take my own child. I travelled to London for business but made a special trip and took buses and trains and Ubers to Chelsea stadium so that I bring back authentic soccer (football) gear from the Chelsea store. When I took him places and people said “your son is so cute,” I didn’t correct them. It brought me joy. He helped me learn how to be a mom. It worked, it tricked me into embracing joy. Gratitude sounds like plain toast with no butter but it is a better alternative to soaking in a hot tub of misery waiting for life to send you something worth living for. Get grateful now. According to Harvard Health magazine. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
Do things that make you feel good. This tip ties in with the previous point in that you’ve got to let go of misery like its a heavy coat you’re wearing in a hot summer. Hopelessness and misery are seductive but you’re too good to be in a relationship with them. Start a hobby or pick up a hobby you’ve abandoned. Be good to yourself. Don’t treat yourself horribly because you don’t have what you want in life. I was so guilty of this one. I hated my life so I didn’t do things that made me feel good about my life. Join a recreational sports league and get your sport on. Take cooking lessons and learn how to make a pizza or vegan snacks. Are vegan snacks a thing? Embrace feelings of joy so that you can open yourself up to the goodness in life. I did this by allowing my job in corporate America to fuel my passion for travel. I have been to over 10 countries and in each place I felt good and embraced every moment of it even though I never liked my job. Enjoying the travel from my job, helped me feel good about my life. What can you do to feel good about your life?
beach outside of Perth, Australia
Notice what life is showing you. Consider that when things don’t go your way, it could be because they were meant to be better than what you expected.
Eckhart Tolle has a quote “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.”
I didn’t use this quote to diminish your pain, or to minimize your trauma or anything that has left you with wounds that are still open and unhealed. However, please consider the idea that maybe life is serving you what you need so that you can grow and heal.
My daughter is 3 and my life is better because she’s in it and because of the lessons I learned while waiting for us to become a family. There are several people I wanted to marry and many cities I wanted to move to and none of it worked out. I’m so happy it fell apart. I’m here writing this and being her mom because of those terrible seasons. I like it here. What is life showing you and are you willing to pause and listen?
Hopefully those 3 tips will give you something to think about or encourage you to think of your own tips.
If you haven’t subscribed, I am the host of The Team Meeting Podcast, this is an example of what we talk about.
Sending you a socially distanced high five.
